Tag Archive for: evil editors

Not a Reflection on the Quality of the Work

/by

by Arvee Fantilagan

“Rubbish,” she brutalised one submitter. “Worthless,” another.

Her own cruelty made her wince.

“Tenth straight rejection. I suggest a career change.”

Yet people kept submitting! And who could blame them? “Eternal Damnation Magazine” would sound badass on any bio.

DID YOU ACCEPT ANYONE?

She flinched, flames scorching her face.

“There wasn’t anyone good enough…”

LIAR!!

She screamed as her skin melted into syrup. It would regrow soon enough—though she knew a chunk of her dignity would not.

TEN NEW SOULS, OR ELSE.

Grimacing and on fire, she began messaging the next submitter:

“Congratulations! We really enjoyed your piece—”

Arvee Fantilagan

Arvee Fantilagan grew up in the Philippines, lives in Japan, and has more of his works at sites.google.com/view/arveef. He hopes to write a better bio someday.

Bleed Red

/by

by Don Money

“As I mentioned when you signed the contract for editorial services, my expertise comes with a price,” Vachele Quinn said to the younger man.

The imposing view of the city from the ninety-seventh floor splayed out behind the man at the desk furthered the trepidation felt by Cameron Yates. “I thought you were kidding. You can’t be serious?”

“Oh, I am quite serious,” Vachele replied. The editor slid the empty ink well and syringe across to Cameron. “I find writers make fewer mistakes when they have to give a little of themselves to help me mark the corrections I find.”

Don Money

Don Money writes stories across a variety of genres. He is a middle school literacy teacher. His stories have appeared in a variety of anthologies and magazines.

Cutting Words

/by

by S.F.J. Painter

“You’re awake. Good. Wondering why you’re here? Stop whimpering. Well, dear boy, you’ve been my editor for many years. Sorry – was that too many words for you? Curious why you’re naked, tied to a chair, your skin a patchwork of ink and blood? You didn’t know I was in earshot. I heard everything: ‘Another bloated horror novel from the king of verbosity, every other word needs cutting’ Well, there they are—all 227,000 of my blood-sweated beauties etched into your flesh.”

The author leans in, scalpel glinting in the candlelight. “Let’s begin by cutting out some adjectives, shall we?”

S.F.J. Painter

Simon Painter lives in the UK with his lovely wife, cat and chickens. He’s a former actor, puppeteer and theatre director and has written or adapted over 20 professionally produced plays. Simon’s has been a mental health therapist for far too many years and is currently recovering from prostate cancer.

The Ruthless Red Pen

/by

by Randall Andrews

In the south of Australia, an editor sits at his desk wielding a magical red pen. The story before him morphs with his every deft touch, the words shifting and shuffling on the page.

After an hour, he flips to the last page of the manuscript, tweaking the author’s bio ever so slightly before moving on to the headshot. With confident strokes, he goes to work, removing an ugly skin blemish, straightening an awkwardly crooked nose, trimming away a little extra flesh from the cheeks.

***

In the northern United States, an author screams in agony as the edits take effect.

Randall Andrews

Randall Andrews is the author of two books, Finding Hour Way and The Last Guardian of Magic, which won the National Indie Excellence Award. His shorter works have appeared in places like Abyss & Apex, Space & Time, Mystery Tribune, and Sci-Fi Shorts. You can find his books at online retailers.