Tag Archive for: evil editors

Cutting Words

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by S.F.J. Painter

“You’re awake. Good. Wondering why you’re here? Stop whimpering. Well, dear boy, you’ve been my editor for many years. Sorry – was that too many words for you? Curious why you’re naked, tied to a chair, your skin a patchwork of ink and blood? You didn’t know I was in earshot. I heard everything: ‘Another bloated horror novel from the king of verbosity, every other word needs cutting’ Well, there they are—all 227,000 of my blood-sweated beauties etched into your flesh.”

The author leans in, scalpel glinting in the candlelight. “Let’s begin by cutting out some adjectives, shall we?”

S.F.J. Painter

Simon Painter lives in the UK with his lovely wife, cat and chickens. He’s a former actor, puppeteer and theatre director and has written or adapted over 20 professionally produced plays. Simon’s has been a mental health therapist for far too many years and is currently recovering from prostate cancer.

The Ruthless Red Pen

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by Randall Andrews

In the south of Australia, an editor sits at his desk wielding a magical red pen. The story before him morphs with his every deft touch, the words shifting and shuffling on the page.

After an hour, he flips to the last page of the manuscript, tweaking the author’s bio ever so slightly before moving on to the headshot. With confident strokes, he goes to work, removing an ugly skin blemish, straightening an awkwardly crooked nose, trimming away a little extra flesh from the cheeks.

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In the northern United States, an author screams in agony as the edits take effect.

Randall Andrews

Randall Andrews is the author of two books, Finding Hour Way and The Last Guardian of Magic, which won the National Indie Excellence Award. His shorter works have appeared in places like Abyss & Apex, Space & Time, Mystery Tribune, and Sci-Fi Shorts. You can find his books at online retailers.