by Scott O’Neill

Customers who’ve purchased BLÖDSYN obsidian mirrors—discontinue use—immediately! Cover the mirror (perhaps with a FLUFFIGVÄRMA towel, just 479 kroner) and return to your local store for a replacement or refund.

Addressing your reflection in these mirrors (sustainably sourced from Sweden’s Central Skåne Volcanic Province) may unexpectedly summon a Gjenganger (hostile revenant). This unintended product feature has resulted in a precautionary recall of BLÖDSYN mirrors.

If you’ve encountered a Gjenganger, please call our customer service line; press 1 for trauma counselling; 2 for dismemberment support; 3 for funeral services, or stay on the line to access complimentary SPÖKEKÄMPE combat exorcists.

Scott O’Neill

Scott writes reports and memorandums by day and speculative fiction by night, with short works published by various presses. You can find him on the socials as @wererooster.