I get the others to stop whimpering so I can hear my smartwatch.
“sAIveME free expert system downloaded. Please summarise your crisis.”
“Class-Nine shuttlecraft. Drive damaged by hostile lifeforms. Pilot and engineer eaten by same. Nontechnical crew to repair drive for escape.”
“Acknowledged. Scan damage and available resources.”
I show my watch the engine and repair kits.
“Acknowledged. Processing.”
The others crowd around to stare in breathless hope at the crawling progress metre on my watch.
“Solution complete. In-app purchase required. Please tender twenty-nine credits.”
“Smartwatch, check balance.”
“Balance twenty-two credits.”
I’m still laughing brokenly when they come for me.
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